Random Thoughts

I feel like doing a PSA today.... and I think that I just might do it!!!

Turning Point

I have been dealing with a couple of personal issues that strayed me away from blogging because it was sooo personal to me that I was afraid to write about it............ at least initially. I had to come to realization that I am human and my feelings do matter. Besides, I am sure someone could possibly be experiencing some of what I am experiencing so maybe they can relate to what I am going through.

1.  Having a miscarriage or losing a child is a hurt, a pain that I can't put into words. It's been three years since I lost my 2nd child. Some days I can talk about it. Some days I can't talk about it without having a mental breakdown. I've cried a lot about it this month. I didn't realize that this month was pregnancy/child loss month and once I did..... just been up and down about it. If you are dealing with the loss of a pregnancy or a child, I am here to tell you that can't nobody tell you how you are suppose to feel and can't nobody tell you when you should stop crying about it; hurting about it. Some days you can talk about it. Some days you won't. Just know that it's okay. There's nothing wrong with how you feel. Someone had to tell me that so I am sure someone else needs to know it as well.

2.  I recently got my daughter tested with the state of North Carolina to see where she is standing with her academic levels. According to the results, my daughter is only comprehending what she is reading on a late 4th grade level and is operating math equations on a 5th. grade level. This news was very disappointing because more than anything it showed me that my daughter was passed to the 6th grade but she had not mastered or was even proficient in the areas she needed to be in to go on to the next grade level. It makes more sense to me now why she struggled so much in the 6th grade and acted out so much. The beauty about the position that I am in now with my daughter is that since I am homeschooling her, I can go back and drill those areas thoroughly that needs mastering so going forward she will not be left behind.

I would highly suggest every parent have their children tested to see where they really stand. I doubt very serious that I will trust what the public school system tells me and the decisions they make when it comes to my daughter. The children are not the winners when they are passed along but didn't learn what they needed to learn.

Missing You

I woke up to a wet pillow and a pain in my heart. My eyes still overflowing with tears as if I were grieving a hurt all over again. You were not here when I woke up from this nightmare to hold me and it made me feel so alone.

The times I dread in my life are the times where there is an eerie quiet where there is something..... someone missing. The times when I get used to something... someone being there then they are gone.

As much as I like to do things on my own and my quiet/down time, there's still nothing like having someone there.

I am so missing you right now........

*Dedicated to anyone that has ever woke up feeling like this.... You are NOT alone!!!!

Let Go to be Blessed!

For the past month, my blessings seem to have been stifled to me somehow. It was because I truly had not made peace of a situation that needed to be handled differently.

I tried to not cut ties with someone because I was told to not burn bridges with anyone for one and I could get discounted rooms through the hotel room they managed for two. However, it seemed like when ever I would see their name pop up on my phone or even  when I was logged onto one of my social media sites, I would get this very unsettling feeling in my heart and my stomach. You know that feeling you get when you look at someone that you just don't trust or respect anymore. That feeling was overriding the feeling of just letting it go and maintaining a working relationship. After pondering on it and seeing that my business seem to all but stop since I made this decision, I decided to cut those ties to make peace in my head and heart about it and move on for the sake of my business. Now, besides starting to feel a lot better about things, it looks like my business is starting to pick back up. I had to realize that gut feeling was God telling me to let it go. Keeping that person around is NOT benefiting me in the least. In fact, I was blocking my blessing because their season was over with me yet I kept them around me. 

As we transition into bigger and better things in our lives and careers people will also transition around us. The ones that have the best intentions for us will be closer to us while the ones that don't have the best intentions will either be a hand distance at all times or gone. It would be nice to take all the people we've shared great memories with along for the ride but when you are destined for something great and powerful, very few make that journey with you. For those that make it with you, cherish them. They were your real friends all along.

Personal Testimony.................... #2009.11

People may wonder why I have dedicated so much of my time to help my man get into PRO Wrestling school. I have been asking religiously for votes by going personally to people and posting on my personal facebook wall. Here's what many of you don't know....... The man of my life also saved my life!!!! 

Back in 2009 when Warren and I were just mere associates,  I had a medical procedure done that caused me to gain quite a bit of weight which also caused my blood pressure to go out of control. My blood sugar numbers also reached a dangerous level where if I didn't do something about my weight and diet I would have to deal with diabetes on top of hypertension. I had gotten very depressed about it. My doctors recommended that I join a weight management program under a doctor's supervision to lose the weight. 

I spoke with Warren about this situation and he simply said, "I can help you with that." No questions asked. And what did he do? He became my personal dietitian/trainer. To date, I have lost 25 lbs and have been able to maintain my weight! He never asked me for a dime. He just wanted for me to be committed to getting my blood pressure and blood sugar count down to healthy levels so I can be around for my daughter. 

Now that he has an opportunity to fulfill a life long dream, I am returning the favor! Nobody should ever live a day in this life and not either work on or fulfill a life long dream. You will only be living a piece of your life. 

Please take a moment and help this guy that would give his last to anyone if he had it to get into Matt Hardy's ProWrestling school by simply going to this link to his amateur promo video ---->  http://youtu.be/2og2uV8n0AY <-------- and LIKING it! If you leave him a comment he will write you back!

He is the only African American male to enter this contest!  Let's take a stand and be VOCAL with our VOTES! He is such an inspiration to me and I know he will make each and every one of us proud!!!! 

God's Plan......

I planned so many things this week, in my life period and I will say that nothing went according to MY plan. Why? Because God's plans came and took over.


In business:

My doggie business literately stood still for me. Between my business partner moving to Virginia to the weather not cooperating to me being under the weather. I was sitting here worrying about it when in actuality there was nothing that I could do anyway. God's plan was for me to lie here in bed and work on my website since it is pressing for me to get it completed and relaunched.

In my relationship:

I absolutely love this man with all my heart. I broke it off with him because I just was not happen with the progression of our relationship. I needed to work on me. He needed to work on him. My PLAN was to give it six months to work on things before we got back together. Well, God revealed to me that if you are going to do things that couples do, then you should BE a couple. Also we have accomplished enough separately that now we can accomplish things as a couple again.

Just a couple of instances to show me that God's plan makes better sense and everything that HE does for me!

My MOOD swings

My emotions have been SWINGING today!!! Woooooo! I am so glad that I have people that truly care enough about me to help me get bring my emotions down to a tolerable state. Bipolar Disorder is a helluva disorder!!! 

I am also thankful for the work that I have in front of me to keep me distracted from giving in to these unhealthy emotions. 

When I am under the weather, I truly feel awful when I am not able to fulfill the tasks that I set out to do and I know people are waiting on things. I just pray that they will understand that once I am better and on my feet that I will get the job done! 

I am praying for forgiveness and peace on my heart so I can truly move on from these bumps in the road that got me frustrated and my moods swinging like crazy!